What Is A Professional Role Player? And Why Would I Hire One? Part 1
A mini role play session as part of “Practice Those Pesky Conversations” at the AWE Women in Business Summit, March 2023.
I’m setting up the scenario, getting information from Jennifer, the participant. I want to know more about the conversation she is about to have, and the person she is about to have it with, whom we’ll call Ann. I want to know all about Ann - her age, affect, personality, race, gender, all of it. And I want to know why this conversation is hard for Jennifer, what her goal is for the conversation, and how she’ll know when she’s met that goal.
The whole process takes about two minutes. Then I turn to Elizabeth, who is sitting next to me, and I ask her what questions she has. She might ask one or two, or she might say, “No questions - I’m ready!” I remind Jennifer that she can pause at any time, and that I will pause, too.
And then Jennifer and Elizabeth start the conversation. But Elizabeth isn’t Elizabeth. She’s Ann.
Confused yet? Let me back up.
Elizabeth is one of the professional role players I work with when I know someone, like Jennifer, wants to practice having challenging conversations. Elizabeth is a very talented role player, able to navigate the following things beautifully:
A professional role player can embody another person’s affect, communication style, age, and personality, and they can do it in a very short amount of time. Remember when I said the “set up” takes about 2 minutes? There is no rehearsal time or script to learn - a role player receives the information about who they are going to portray just moments before they portray them! Often, when working with Elizabeth or another of my role players, a participant will say, “You’re exactly like him!” or “That’s exactly what she would say!” That goes to show how quickly and realistically they can step into the shoes of anyone, Role players study human nature and can “play the role” of anyone - no script required!
As they are working with the participant, a professional role player is of two minds: they are both simultaneously “in character” portraying someone else, and they are aware of what’s happening in their own body and with their own feelings as the conversation is happening. This is a hard-earned skill. Professional role players often have experience as professional actors, which would help them with the first part, though not all actors are suited to be role players. In order to be an excellent role player, you need to be able to notice what is happening during the conversation (while you are pretending to be someone else, mind you,) so that you can talk about it soon when you offer feedback. It might look something like this:
Elizabeth, as Ann: “I mean, I really don’t think Mom needs hospice. She’s still talking about being around for my daughter’s high school graduation, and that’s more than a year away.”
Jennifer: “Well, it’s time. Her oncologist wouldn’t have recommended hospice if your Mom wasn’t at that point.”
Elizabeth (thinking to herself, all in a matter of .12 seconds): That felt like a punch in the gut. And I noticed I leaned back just now. I’m feeling surprised by how direct that was. In feedback, I’m going to definitely talk about this moment, maybe mentioning empathy, or summarizing, or a permission statement.
Elizabeth, as Ann: “Yeah, well, I never trusted that oncologist. I’m going for a second opinion.”It’s a balancing act, for sure. And let’s face it - most of us don’t even have the self-awareness about what’s happening in our own body and with our own feelings during conversations when we having them in real life, let alone when we are pretending to be someone else!
After the participant and role player have practiced having the challenging conversation, we all have a discussion. A role player can offer feedback for how they felt as the other person in the conversation, pointing to specific moments, words, and nonverbal communication. Listen, it can feel scary to receive feedback; it takes great vulnerability. And yet feedback leads to growth, and so we recognize it’s immense importance. It is a tremendous gift to receive feedback from a professional role player. They are able to step into the role of someone else and really experience how the participant comes across. They can offer feedback for how to communicate more effectively and compassionately.
Role playing - with professional role players - is a way to practice having a challenging conversation in a safe and low-stakes environment. We don’t go around asking people we talk to - loved ones, co-workers, clients - how we come across. (And maybe we should!) It’s really helpful to get feedback from role players about how they felt when we said X or used Y tone. It can be hard to hear the truth, and yet it’s a wonderful way to become more self-aware and to improve our communication skills.
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Was this helpful? Great! And wait - there’s more! In Part 2, I share some of the benefits of using professional role players vs role playing with your own internal staff. CLICK HERE TO READ PART 2!
And if you want to talk to me about bringing Compassionate Coaching’s role players to your team, then let’s talk!